Frickin’ Nature


In the fall of my junior year of college, my brakes randomly started making a horrible squealing noise one night. I didn’t know what was going on, so I asked my male next door neighbors to please come take a look. One came down with a flashlight, took a look in my wheel well, went back upstairs, and came back with a screwdriver. He pried out a walnut. Some squirrel must’ve thought it was a safe place to store his food for winter. Wrong-o.

Earlier this week, my car stopped spraying out wiper fluid. I assumed that it was out, because I couldn’t get any to either the front or the rear wipers, even when the car was heated up (so I knew it wasn’t frozen). I asked Paul to take a look at it and refill it for me. He just came in from working on my car and said “Well….” Uh oh…this is not a good sign. “You weren’t out of wiper fluid. I found two things in your engine compartment. Guess what they were.” I was feeling a bit panicked…. What on earth could possibly have gotten into my engine? Did I put something in there? No, because I can’t even open the hood of my car…. So, I said I didn’t know.

“Well,” he said, “One of the things I found was an unopened fortune cookie.” WHAT?! “And the other thing I found was a bird’s nest.” EXCUSE ME?! “And the bird’s who built the nest must’ve chewed through the little tubes for your wiper fluid…along with a few other electrical wires in the engine.” DAMMIT!

So, thanks little birdies, you jerks. Paul took apart your home. Go find a new engine.

UPDATE: As I discovered while driving home from Amelia’s apartment tonight, the damn birds ruined my cruise control!

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