Owning Up

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Snow Day #2 is coming to a close, and I think I’m ready to go back to work. Yesterday was nice–Paul was home, too, so we got to spend the day together. Today, though, I was by myself. While I got a lot done today (all of the laundry, dishes, cookie-baking, vacuuming…nothing work-related, however), I was also bored and lonely.

Hmm…. Warning: I feel a downer-post coming on. I’ll try to make it topic-specific….

I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. Could I have gone today? Yes. Did I use cold temperatures (4 degrees) as an excuse? Yes. I really need to turn things around here. It’s getting ridiculous. I was thinking about my weight loss journey (oh I hate that phrase…so friggin’ much) today. I thought about how I felt before I started losing weight, and how I just longed to feel good about myself for once. I used layers of clothing to cover up and hide all of the things I hated about myself. I can recall the day when I no longer felt the need to wear a cami under a simple t-shirt in order to smooth out all the lumps and rolls. That was an awesome day. And today…I realized I’m back to feeling like I have to cover up. I hate it. Hate hate hate it. And you’d think that, with that feeling in mind, I would actually do something. Nope. You see, it’s much easier to eat and feed the negative feelings than it is to actually do something to turn myself around.

Confession: I am an emotional eater. You might think, “Yeah, DUH, Carly.” But this is the first time I have ever owned up to it. I eat out of boredom (Yes, I know “boredom” is not an emotion), which was the primary source of today’s problem. I eat out of self-pity (What was that quotation Fr. Tom had about self-pity? Self-pity is a sin against hope.), which has been the source of the past 24 years’ problems. How do you overcome something like that? What sort of positive habit do you form to take the place of that emotional eating habit? Something to think about, I guess….

I told myself at the beginning of January that I would give myself 1 month of doing WW on my own. If, in that month, I had made progress and had lost weight, I wouldn’t have to rejoin. If I hadn’t lost weight, I would have to start going to meetings again. I ended up losing 3.5 pounds in January. But now I’m starting to slack off again. So I’m making the same deal with myself for February. If I haven’t lost anything, and I haven’t made steps towards overcoming this emotional eating, then I’m going back to WW meetings.

I’d better get to bed–I actually have to go to work tomorrow. Sorry for the downer post.

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One response »

  1. Aww. I behaved similarly the last couple of days. Yesterday I meant to work out later in the afternoon…and accepted an invite to a bar instead (great trade-off). Today I justified walking around the neighborhood as my workout (um, do I think that burned 400+ calories like the gym does? NOPE). I don’t know, though…IT HAPPENS. I like how, in a previous post, you talked about just getting back on track and not having a “ohhhh well, this week’s shot, might as well keep slackin'” type attitude. That’s what I’m trying to go for! Tomorrow’s another day.

    I think you’re truly off to a great start with the gym and eating healthier. I think it’s okay to get a bit off track, acknowledge that, and move forward. Cheesy phrase forthcoming: YOU CAN DO IT! 🙂

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