Life is a bit overwhelming at the moment. Working full time without pay, planning a wedding, trying to figure out where to live in August, balancing a social life, etc. Ick.
I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by the hospital right now. It’s only day 2, and I’m just a little unsure, worried that I’m not going to succeed. I think I felt this way before my preschool internship, and I know I did just fine, but this is different. I feel like they expect so much of me, and I’m worried that I won’t meet their expectations. *sigh* No sense in setting myself up for failure now, but it’s hard not to.
Off to read a 3-inch thick binder full of stuff for my hospital….
Just when I had given up hope on my preschoolers ever knowing or caring who I was (because what am I supposed to think when they always ask me where Miss Lesley/Miss Marble went, or when they call me Miss Cathy (my supervisor)?), three of them really came through for me today.
One of my students, “Ramona,” had a birthday today, so instead of taking kids out of the classroom, we went in for her “birthday party.” Her family came and brought treats, and she was particularly excited to see “Tom,” (stepdad? brother? I have no idea). I was trying to stand out of the way when “Ramona” said to “Tom”: “Tom! Tom! This is Miss Carly! Tom, this is Miss Carly!!!” I laughed, but on the inside, I almost cried. “Ramona” is a bit of a struggle during therapy, and I thought for sure she didn’t like me. But here she was, making sure I met “Tom.” So sweet.
Then, while I was in the classroom/on the plaground, doing some observations with my kids, my trouble-making duo, “James,” and “Andy,” kept asking me to come play with them. They built me several houses out of bristle blocks, invited me to play on the playground equiptment, and kept showing off for me. And Tuesday I had written these two off as a lost cause because they’re sooo rambunctious during our speech sessions. But they kept calling to me to watch them climb the wall, do the monkey bars, etc. Oh, yeah, and on Tuesday, “James” declared that I was his girlfriend (I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was engaged), but then today on the playground he said that “Kathy,” one of his classmates, was his girlfriend. When I asked him about it, he said we were both his girlfriends. Haha. Clearly he’s too young to commit himself to one woman.
Today was the first good day I’ve had in about a week. I really needed it. So glad it came today.
I’ve come to realize that I’m going to miss my little preschoolers terribly at the end of the year. One in particular. He loves to test us (“I want TWO stickers.” “I want to line up at THAT door.”), but it’s so worth it to know that we’re giving him some positive interactions. And today, as he was lining up to go home, he stretched his arms out and asked my supervisor to give him a hug. I hung back and continued to work with another student, and then he looked at me and stretched his arms wide again. How could I resist? He’s such a good little boy, and I hope his family knows that.
Started at my school internship Monday. I’m in a Pre-K program out in the sticks. Despite the special education program from ~1953, I love it. The kids are amazing. I love them all so much. Every time I pick a “favorite” (which I know I shouldn’t do), someone else becomes my favorite. They’re all the cutest, smartest, most fun, etc. I love working with them, and I just want to steal them all and bring them home with me. One of them told me he loves me. I almost cried. And I love being able to encourage them, and build them up, and give them some MUCH needed praise and affection. We have one child with Autism, and he is incredible. They just started him on PECS about 6 weeks ago, and he’s SO good with it. And he took to me right away, and doesn’t hesitate to interact with me. Needless to say, it’s so rewarding being there.
On an unfortunate note, I woke up sick yesterday. All those kids put their fingers in their mouths and noses and then on the tables, the materials, and on me. And no amount of hand sanitizer can prevent the inevitable cold. At least it’s only a cold. And I have the next week off, so I’m sure I’ll get over it quickly.
I’m pretty sure I’ll miss working with Pre-K next year, but that’s okay. Maybe I’ll be able to sneak over to the Pre-K program in Prospect Heights… 🙂 Right now, I’m just enjoying being able to make an impact on these kids’ lives, even if it is a small one.
I was thinking about it this morning, and if I were to give a title to this past semester, a few options would be:
The Semester I Stopped Eating Breakfast at Home
The Semester I Became an Angry Person
Caffeine: It’s What’s for Dinner (and Breakfast and Lunch)
My Life as a Hermit
Can’t Talk Now…Too Busy
Can’t Sleep…Clinic’ll Eat Me
I Promise I Used to be Social
Oh Right, I Take Classes, Too, Don’t I?
On a somewhat related note…. While at the clinic today, my clinic director’s eight-year-old daughter told me, “This place is like my second home.” You’re tellin’ me, kid. For serious.