Category Archives: Self

Weigh-in Day: Decisions

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For the past several weeks (since before we left for Florida, actually), I’ve been hovering at the same weight, give or take 0.4 pounds. At this weight, I’m still 5 lbs above my ultimate goal, but I’m at a perfectly healthy weight. In fact, I’m squarely in the middle of my healthy weight range for my age/height. After having several conversations with the woman who weighs me in every week, I’ve decided to think about changing my goal. Am I happy at this weight? No, not entirely. But I think that might have more to do with the condition of my body than it is the actual number on the scale. That’s really the reason I’ve started this Active August challenge.

I’m living in a world of instant gratification. I don’t have to look through the TV guide to figure out what’s on TV (or even flip through the channels). If I feel like shopping, I don’t have to go to the mall if I really don’t want to. I can use the internet anywhere. The most waiting I ever have to do is for the laundry to be done, for dinner to cook, or for the mail to come. So, I kind of understand how it’s been frustrating to wait for my body to change. It’s not something I’m going to see after one workout. The cycle has been: workout for a week, get frustrated at the lack of results, quit. Start over two or three weeks later, etc. etc. It’s especially frustrating when it comes to running. I would really like to be a runner. I lie to myself all the time by saying I hate running. The truth is that I like running, but I don’t like going running because I have no endurance and I can’t run. Every time I start Couch to 5k, I end up giving up halfway through. Then, I have to start over the next time. Ugh! A coworker ran a 5k today in well under 30 minutes and said she had just started running a couple months ago. My first reaction was not to be happy for her, but to think to myself, “What the hell?! Why can’t I do that?” I know that it takes time and practice, but I just have no patience. Anyway, to keep myself motivated, I’ve made a list of 5k races I’m going to register for in the next few months.

Wow, lost my point somewhere in there. What I’m trying to get at is that I’m going to see how this whole “working out” thing goes, and the effects it has on my body (and self esteem) before I make any decisions about my goal weight.

Thanks for reading. I know that was rambley (and maybe full of typos…I’m not wearing my glasses…).

Overwhelmed…

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Haven’t felt much like blogging lately. Despite having nothing to do, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with life. That always leaves me feeling like I don’t want to do anything. So, that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing. Until I feel the urge to post again, please enjoy the pretty new theme that WordPress came out with. 😛

Milestone Week

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This was a pretty good week in terms of workouts (not quantity, but quality). I only made it to the gym 3 times this week. My parents were visiting yesterday, and I won’t make it tomorrow since I’m going home for the weekend.

Monday was my first day back to the gym in over a week and a half (I had no car over my spring break, which means I didn’t get to the gym). I was anticipating having a rough run, but in fact, I took 20 seconds off of my fastest mile (thanks for letting me know, Tiger Woods!).

Tuesday’s workout was the last workout I attempted before quitting C25k last summer. It said to run 8 minutes, walk 5, run 8. The last time I did this workout, I could have finished it easily, but I just decided I was bored with running and stopped. I was nervous I’d do the same thing, but I powered through and finished.

Today’s workout said to run for 20 minutes with no walking. Is it me, or does it seem like a big jump from Tuesday’s workout to today’s? I went to the gym not expecting much, but managed to make it through the whole 20 minutes (okay, I stopped and stood on the sides for 20 seconds, but I made up those 20 seconds at the end). Woo! I took my pace down .4, so I ran just under 2 miles straight. I’m quite proud of myself. Tiger was, too. He told me I took another 20 seconds off my fastest mile). To be honest…I was a little disappointed that I didn’t run faster, but that’s okay. There’s plenty of time to build speed. Right now it’s all about endurance.

I’m still nervous about taking the running outside on the pavement. I have just under a month to get myself ready for the 5k. I hope that moving to pavement isn’t going to set me back too much.

In other news (and still kind of milestone-related), I’ve actually been feeling “skinny” this week. This is a pretty big statement for me. Even with 30 pounds lost, I’ve never thought of myself as skinny. So, to actually see it in the mirror meant a lot for my self esteem. Maybe Paul’s on to something with this whole “Wearing clothes that fit you makes you look better” thing. 😉

Yes, my tail is between my legs….

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Hi, friends and fans….

You may have guessed it, but I’ll confirm it…. I’ve been avoiding you. The past couple of weeks have not been good. I’ve been eating like absolute crap. The one redeeming factor? I’ve been to the gym 3 days in a row this week, and have plans to squeeze in a workout tomorrow before a postponed Valentine’s Day date with the hubs. But food-wise, things are looking grim. I know the issues. It’s the usual suspects: boredom, stress, apathy. My body is feeling it, that’s for sure. I didn’t weigh in last weekend. I doubt I will this weekend. I checked the scale the other morning, and it had remained the same since the last time I weighed myself, so that’s at least a plus.

I think I may have found some motivation today, though. There are several women I work with who are my age and they’re dieting also. One is even following Weight Watchers. But I see them making progress, and it makes me wish I could stick to a plan long enough to make noticeable progress, too. Saturday is the day. I promise. (Though I probably won’t be updating–we’ll be out of town visiting my family.)

Send me some positive, encouraging comments!!

Owning Up

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Snow Day #2 is coming to a close, and I think I’m ready to go back to work. Yesterday was nice–Paul was home, too, so we got to spend the day together. Today, though, I was by myself. While I got a lot done today (all of the laundry, dishes, cookie-baking, vacuuming…nothing work-related, however), I was also bored and lonely.

Hmm…. Warning: I feel a downer-post coming on. I’ll try to make it topic-specific….

I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. Could I have gone today? Yes. Did I use cold temperatures (4 degrees) as an excuse? Yes. I really need to turn things around here. It’s getting ridiculous. I was thinking about my weight loss journey (oh I hate that phrase…so friggin’ much) today. I thought about how I felt before I started losing weight, and how I just longed to feel good about myself for once. I used layers of clothing to cover up and hide all of the things I hated about myself. I can recall the day when I no longer felt the need to wear a cami under a simple t-shirt in order to smooth out all the lumps and rolls. That was an awesome day. And today…I realized I’m back to feeling like I have to cover up. I hate it. Hate hate hate it. And you’d think that, with that feeling in mind, I would actually do something. Nope. You see, it’s much easier to eat and feed the negative feelings than it is to actually do something to turn myself around.

Confession: I am an emotional eater. You might think, “Yeah, DUH, Carly.” But this is the first time I have ever owned up to it. I eat out of boredom (Yes, I know “boredom” is not an emotion), which was the primary source of today’s problem. I eat out of self-pity (What was that quotation Fr. Tom had about self-pity? Self-pity is a sin against hope.), which has been the source of the past 24 years’ problems. How do you overcome something like that? What sort of positive habit do you form to take the place of that emotional eating habit? Something to think about, I guess….

I told myself at the beginning of January that I would give myself 1 month of doing WW on my own. If, in that month, I had made progress and had lost weight, I wouldn’t have to rejoin. If I hadn’t lost weight, I would have to start going to meetings again. I ended up losing 3.5 pounds in January. But now I’m starting to slack off again. So I’m making the same deal with myself for February. If I haven’t lost anything, and I haven’t made steps towards overcoming this emotional eating, then I’m going back to WW meetings.

I’d better get to bed–I actually have to go to work tomorrow. Sorry for the downer post.